Archive for August, 2007

I am on a roll ….

Posted: August 31, 2007 in Uncategorized

This may make no sense after my last post, but I am on a roll.  My life has been so out of control for the last couple of years that I truly have been driven to seek like I never have before.  That desire to find that closer relationship to God is strong and frustrating beyond belief it is so intense for me right now.  My last post should indicate that.

My pastor Jay introduced me (actually a group of us) to the “Experiencing God” study, and it has had a huge impact on me.  Yeah, I know, there I go talking about some silly workbook Bible study like it was a life changing experience or something.  Yep.  I am.  Because it has been for me!  For the first time in my life I feel like I am WORKING to understand God, to communicate with God, to interpret His Word, and to apply it to my life.  I have had so many great revelations as I have been going through this study.  Things I have struggled with for so many years have been addressed in such a unique way I find it amazing, and I am seeing them in a different light, with good thoughts on dealing with them.  I am not bragging on the study, although I happen to think it is pretty darn good.  I am expressing thankfullness that the study has pricked my heart and soul so well.  This is not a freaky weird kind of experience.  It is real for me, and I know beyond question that God is using it to change my life, to enlighten me, and to bring me closer to Him.  I have been a seeker for so long, that when I truly find something like this that affects my life to this extent, I need to shout about it!  My life is and will likely continue to be a real mess as I go down my path, but I can’t tell you how happy I am to feel this closeness like never before.

If this kind of talk is uncomfortable or weird to you, that is okay.  It probably would have made me uncomfortable a couple years ago.  I am not trying to express to you any instruction on how to feel or how to act.  What I am saying though is that if you are a seeker (and I think we all are), then do not despair.  Keep seeking, but make sure that what you are seeking is God, not some method, workbook, or human being to tell you what you need to find peace and the moment to moment security that comes with an intimate relationship with Him.  BE STILL.  LISTEN.  God used many people in my path to direct me as I have sought Him.  He has used this study in a mighty way.  I hope you keep asking Him long enough to find your study, moment, or whatever it takes to get you closer to Him.

My God has a voice

Posted: August 28, 2007 in Uncategorized

My God is HUGE.  My God is so huge I cannot fathom it.  He speaks.  To me.  I’m just not a good listener.

Rant on …… (pure brain dump coming, pretty risky to post publicly)

I am trying so hard to hear Him, and the struggle is mighty.  He speaks so loud, but the din around me is overwhelming to a point where it all bleeds together because of all the things I have let into my life.  I know I am His, since I have my moments when he is not just near, he possesses me. But alas at times I close my ears and still manage to shut him out, usually when I need Him most, or when MY will becomes so important.  Why? Listening to God is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do, but it is what I want more than anything in my life.  All the methods I have tried over the years seem to be so silly.  I think I work way too hard at it.  It should be simple. 

Sit still.  Listen.  Obey.  Experience God.  Repeat.

Sorry for the rambling.  It’s what God gave me today.  Maybe the pure repetition for me will help it to sink in.