Living from the inside out …

I drive a lot.  In my day to day job, I spend a lot of time driving from client to client, so I spend a lot of time in my car.  I have found a really great way to spend all of that time.  I have a Zune mp3 player that I download and listen to Podcasts on.  It is a great investment if you have time like that.  I listen to audio books (The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn were my last ones), I listen to different preachers, and I listen to my own pastor’s messages again and again.  I really look forward to it.

One of my favorite podcasts is from Mars Hill church where I hear a lot of Rob Bell.  I was listening to one of his talks yesterday, where he was discussing the “Alter Ego” that people have.  You know what I mean, that public face vs. the private face that only you and God see.  Now this thought and topic is not something new to me, I have heard it many times before, but not presented in a biblical format like Rob did in this talk.  I won’t try and duplicate his thoughts or scriptures exactly here (listen to his podcast, you’ll enjoy it), but he used a passage to look at the true and underlying self, and how addicted we are to feeding it.  These are my thoughts after hearing that message.

I have one — an Alter Ego that is.  There — I said it.  I have this person inside of me that communicates with God on a pure and naked level that knows and understands all my problems, my faults, my pure motives and dreams, but I do not show that whole person to you except in glimpses.  Then I have this outside person who I put on and display to the world because I cannot trust the world to understand and appreciate the person I am on the inside.  It is risky to say this, but it is true nonetheless.  Now please understand I am not trying to be deceitful or misleading, but I do not show you all my innermost self because I am afraid.  I am afraid of you knowing all my weaknesses, faults and motives.  My inner being is sinful and full of pride, it’s motives can be selfish at times, and I have difficulty controlling what it does.  It is a regular wrestling match in there.  I suspect it is the same with you if you are honest.  God knows and understands it though.

So why do I share this with you?  I want to compare the beings in a way that helps us understand our struggles.  When we are truly worshipping God, whether publicly or privately, we open a window to our inner soul and being.  This is where God is, and this is where he can support us in the changes we all desire to make to ourselves, to our inner self.  This is where the raw sin, anger, pain and strife is that we cannot cover up or hide from Him.  I can hide it from you most of the time, but it gets exposed at the most critical times of our lives such as true conviction, the death of a loved one, the collapse of the outer being.  Am I making sense here?  The outer being is but a fragile shell that takes a tremendous amount of effort to keep intact.  Our outer being is not honest and naked before men.  God sees the acts of our outer being, but holds us responsible inside for those acts.  The outer shell at times does reflects what is inside regardless of how hard we try, but there is always that secret inner being.  I believe we all struggle with that.

One of the best ways we can expose this being is to develop relationships that we trust.  Do you have anyone in your life that you can expose you innermost being to?  I find it to be a rare thing that people do, which is a sad thing.  Our spouses or significant others are probably the closest to that, but in essence we are not always truly open with them due to a fear of loss.  So we tend to kind of spread it around a bit.  Some honesty here, some honesty there so that we do not completely overwhelm any one source.  Seeking that person we can share completely with and be open with is important.  It’s brutal to do though.  Hmmm, let’s see — who do I know that would hear any of my innermost thoughts and sins and still not judge me, not tell anyone else, or not endanger some critical component of my life, yet still love me completely?  Wow — tough call.

Let me flip that around a bit.  Are you that person for anyone else?  Think it through before you answer.  Can you sit still and listen to a friend, spouse, etc. and never judge, get upset or angry with them over what they think, have done or feel?  Tough job!  The closer to that person you are, the harder it may even be.  In ministry I have done some one on one listening sessions with some people who are not even a close part of my life, and it is tough to put on that poker face when they let the shocking facts loose sometimes.  I find myself saying, “Jesus — let me hear the heart and not the act” in order to resolve my immediate external reactions.  I have yet however to have one of those sessions without feeling God used me in some way.

So who is the true listener?  Jesus.  Yeah — I know, it sound so oversimplified.  But think about it.  My innermost being can only truly answer to Jesus.  When I am in a position to be the listener, it is Jesus that gives me the strength to do so in a way that allows him to use me as a tool to help.  He’s on both sides of the equation once again bringing about reconciliation to Himself.  Awesome.

I believe that God wants us to be ONE.  I believe he wants our inner and outer self to be a mirror reflection, or better yet that there not be an outer being.  I believe that in Heaven there will be only one being.  He will work with us to achieve that on earth if we learn to trust Him, and to trust those he sends to help us break down that outer being.  He also calls us to be that listener, so look for your opportunities there.  When they come — stop, push yourself aside and listen.

Some people are more successful at being the same inside and out than others.  I think God truly has helped them to be that.  They are the ones you know that seem to have a lot more peace, a lot less strife in their walk.  That doesn’t mean they do not face trouble, it just means they have learned to listen to God and to be open with those he sends to be his helpers.

I am thankful for those in my life that listen.  I am thankful for those in my life that allow me to be a listener.  I pray we all can learn to trust Him and those he sends.

I think I need to go find my friend now.  I have some things I need to share with him.

Technorati tags: alter ego, rob bell, mars hill church, podiobooks.com

 

Inconsistency ….

I got a comment on a previous blog post I made today, which was the first comment I have had in a while.  Not hard to understand why I have not gotten many cooment — I haven’t been blogging! 

I have been inconsistent in sharin g my thoughts.  I have also been inconsistent in my time with God.  I really do not understand myself here.  I do enjoy my quiet time, so why do I not do it?  What is that force than stands between me and that joy?

 Our message at church this morning was about reveling in the presence of God.  I am going to try and focus on that more by doing my quiet time.  Pray for me okay?  I need the encouragement to develop a more consistent process there.  I’ll also pray for more committment to blogging, whether anyone is hearing me or not!

 

How did I get here?

I have stopped trying to figure out where I will be in 5 years.  Or 4 years, or 1 year for that matter.  If there is any one thing that we need to keep in mind as we try and control the direction of our lives, it is how powerless we really are to control what totally happens to us.

 Now I don’t mean that we cannot affect our direction.  We can decide to go to college, or move to Africa, etc.  But those macro destinations are not where we really live each day.  Where we live each day is in the moment, right now, this second.  Did you know that this is where God is?  IN THE MOMENT.  I have no idea what motivated me to sit down here and do this blog post, it just kinda happened.  I did not make an appointment to blog.  It occurred via a series of events that I really did not control.  I won’t go into how it happenned, but it did just occur to me that this was not in my plan for the day, so why am I doing it?

 What does this show me?  It shows me that God is wise.  God DID know I was going to be in a blogging mood, and he knew what I was going to say.  He formed the path around me to give me what he wanted me to say.  “Are you sure Dennis?”, you may ask.  Yep.  I’m sure.  How am I so sure?  Because I know he is there, I know he is speaking to me, I know he has a reason for me to post this, but in all honesty, I do not know what that reason is!

There is a strange peace in that.  Just doing what I hear God telling me to do instead of stressing out about what to do.  Be still, listen to God, and just do it.  Can it really be that simple?

What do you think?  Is anyone listening?  Do you hear God speaking and obey?  I certainly do not do it all the time like I would like to, but when I do…….., I like it.

 

Do do, do, and more do! Where is the “Be”?

There is way too much doing going on, and way too little “being”.  My wife and I were in Cancun last week on vacation, and were doing a really awesome job of just “being”.  We sat on the beach, took a few walks, napped a little, and really just enjoyed “being” with each other.  I talked to God a lot, and it was a calming and really enjoyable experience.

 Then we came back home and had to slide right back into the “doing” mode.  What a bummer.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a lazy person by nature.  I am however really tired of having to go, go, go, and do, do do all the time.  So many times God gave us great example of when he was pleased with people just “being” with Him.  Moses on the mountain, Elijah in the desert and on Mount Horeb, John the Baptist in the wilderness, Jesus in Gethsemane. It’s hard for us now.  We need to fight the urge to sign up for one more task, class, activity or trip.  We need to just plan to “Be”.  I get this picture in my head of maybe 40 or 50 years ago when whole families used to sit on the fron porch and just be together.  Sigh…, where did that go?  I really am trying to adjust my life to less “do’s”, and more chances to just “be”.  Pray for me that I am successful.

How about you?  Do you take time to just “Be”?  Leave me a comment, and I will pray the same for you!

 

A stranger in a strange land …

“Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear.” (1 Peter 1:17 NIV)

I have never wanted to feel like I was “different” than those around me.  You know what I mean, it is the whole peer pressure thing that has become such an issue in society today.  It is so tough growing up as a teenager today, the peer pressure is incredible, and that process continues into life later on as we seek to be like others or please everyone around us. ”Be like Mike”, was a catch phrase a few years ago.  Why in the world would I want to be like Michael Jordan?  Money?  Prestige?  What is it that makes that attractive to people?

God wants us to be like Him.  Now there is a role model for you.  Jesus.  Just saying the name invokes awe in some, and fear in others.  Those fearful still see the awesomeness of the name and what it represents.  Jesus was a stranger.  He was misunderstood, mistreated, shunned by many.  So why then does history place such an emphasis on his name?  HE’S GOD — that’s why.  Just accept it, you don’t have to understand it.

God is way too big to understand, He is way too awesome to comprehend.  Understanding God is not a destination, it is a journey.  Walking through life is a daily time limited experience that will only ever scratch the surface of understanding no matter how much study, service, etc. we do.  It is a training period for eternity.  In our desire to understand God, we can get absolutely paralyzed by the expanse of the task.  How do we ever feel we will completely understand Him while on this earth?  Stop looking for a complete understanding and enjoy and experience the awesomeness of who he is not just every day, not just every hour or minute, but every moment.

God is that huge thunderstorm, earthquake or awesome event.  God is also that small voice in your head that tells you what to do if you learn to listen.  It is strange — I know.  It is a concept misunderstood and shunned by many.  Who cares?  It is real, and I do not have to explain it, I just get to enjoy it.

I have been way too wrapped up in making people understand me.  I think it relates to the peer pressure thing to a point, that desire to be accepted and not be looked at as strange.  God understands me, that’s is all that matters.  In the eyes of people around me, I do strange things every day.  Hehe.  Me and God are having fun with that.

I know, I am strange.  Thank God, I am getting stranger every day.

Technorati Tags: Christian, stranger

 

Ever hear God say, "I Love You"?

Here is how you can hear God speak to you.  Follow instructions carefully!

Say:

I love you God.

LISTEN (and you will hear):

I love you too Dennis.

Awesome.  It works every time.  Try it.

Technorati tags: God’s love

 

Finishing up "Experiencing God"

I only have two chapters left in my Experiencing God study.  It has been phenomenal.  I won’t try and explain it, it is something that you have to experience to understand.  I had others in my group who did not get quite as excited, but I know the experience was great for them anyway.  I enjoyed the interaction with them a lot.

So what do I do next to continue my discipline of studying and quiet time with God?  Not sure yet, I have a couple ideas, but am determined to keep feeding the hunger I have right now.  I need to integrate it into a way that I can share it with others, I have been enjoying doing that.

There are a couple of men on my heart that God is telling me to pray for.  I am going to honor that.  Jay also has been encouraging me in a couple of areas as well, so there are a number of ideas where to go next.

Experiencing God helped me make some decisions.  I needed to make a couple of changes in my life professionally and personally, and I am working through those now.  It feels good to get past that!

More later!

 

I am on a roll ….

This may make no sense after my last post, but I am on a roll.  My life has been so out of control for the last couple of years that I truly have been driven to seek like I never have before.  That desire to find that closer relationship to God is strong and frustrating beyond belief it is so intense for me right now.  My last post should indicate that.

My pastor Jay introduced me (actually a group of us) to the “Experiencing God” study, and it has had a huge impact on me.  Yeah, I know, there I go talking about some silly workbook Bible study like it was a life changing experience or something.  Yep.  I am.  Because it has been for me!  For the first time in my life I feel like I am WORKING to understand God, to communicate with God, to interpret His Word, and to apply it to my life.  I have had so many great revelations as I have been going through this study.  Things I have struggled with for so many years have been addressed in such a unique way I find it amazing, and I am seeing them in a different light, with good thoughts on dealing with them.  I am not bragging on the study, although I happen to think it is pretty darn good.  I am expressing thankfullness that the study has pricked my heart and soul so well.  This is not a freaky weird kind of experience.  It is real for me, and I know beyond question that God is using it to change my life, to enlighten me, and to bring me closer to Him.  I have been a seeker for so long, that when I truly find something like this that affects my life to this extent, I need to shout about it!  My life is and will likely continue to be a real mess as I go down my path, but I can’t tell you how happy I am to feel this closeness like never before.

If this kind of talk is uncomfortable or weird to you, that is okay.  It probably would have made me uncomfortable a couple years ago.  I am not trying to express to you any instruction on how to feel or how to act.  What I am saying though is that if you are a seeker (and I think we all are), then do not despair.  Keep seeking, but make sure that what you are seeking is God, not some method, workbook, or human being to tell you what you need to find peace and the moment to moment security that comes with an intimate relationship with Him.  BE STILL.  LISTEN.  God used many people in my path to direct me as I have sought Him.  He has used this study in a mighty way.  I hope you keep asking Him long enough to find your study, moment, or whatever it takes to get you closer to Him.

 

My God has a voice

My God is HUGE.  My God is so huge I cannot fathom it.  He speaks.  To me.  I’m just not a good listener.

Rant on …… (pure brain dump coming, pretty risky to post publicly)

I am trying so hard to hear Him, and the struggle is mighty.  He speaks so loud, but the din around me is overwhelming to a point where it all bleeds together because of all the things I have let into my life.  I know I am His, since I have my moments when he is not just near, he possesses me. But alas at times I close my ears and still manage to shut him out, usually when I need Him most, or when MY will becomes so important.  Why? Listening to God is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do, but it is what I want more than anything in my life.  All the methods I have tried over the years seem to be so silly.  I think I work way too hard at it.  It should be simple. 

Sit still.  Listen.  Obey.  Experience God.  Repeat.

Sorry for the rambling.  It’s what God gave me today.  Maybe the pure repetition for me will help it to sink in.

 

What am I “Meant to Be”?

Had a great day at church yesterday.  During one of the songs, I seemed to focus in on the phrase, “What I was meant to be”.  Need to reflect on that a bit.

There is a big difference in what I want to be and what I am meant to be, isn’t there?  I mean, I want to be a professional baseball player, but it apparently is not meant to be.  I want to be a millionare not worried about money, but alas, it must not be in the plan.

 Or is it?  How do we figure this out?  How do we reconcile the “meant”, to the “want”?  I know that God has desires for my life, but in looking it up in the Bible, I do not see ”meant” used anywhere in that context.  What I see is that it is used to correct people’s misinterpretation or confusion.  That says it well for me, I am confused there.

Was I meant to be a father, a husband?  I think so because God has blessed me in that realm, although both cases have had their struggles.  What ministry am I meant to be in?

The only answer I can come up with, is that I am meant to love God.  The rest happens as a result of that effort.  If I truly desire him and love him with all my heart, things should be clearer, but today they are pretty cloudy.  Guess that is an answer in itself.

 I need to focus on Loving and following God, that is all I am “meant” to do.  I’ll figure the rest out after I get there.

Any other perspectives out there?