The coffee is strong, I had a great nights sleep, and God’s word is easy to understand!!

That may be an interesting title, but it is what God brought to mind this morning to really appreciate.  Do you take enough time to be still and be thankful for things?  I know I don’t, and it is a shame to admit I have to be on vacation in Hilton Head to slow down for 5 minutes and appreciate all my blessings.

Anyway, the coffee is some kind of Kenyan blend, and it does actually remind me of times I have been in Kenya in the past, it is very strong!  The condo we are staying at is really nice, and looking out the back window over the balcony is a heavily wooded area looking at a golf course.  Beautiful view, with lots of God things to look at and contemplate.  I slept soundly until 8:30 this morning, which I never do.  Need to get the name of that mattress!  A good start to a good day, but wait — it gets better!

My bible reading this morning was in Proverbs chapter 4 (I am working my way through proverbs for a while, although I may skip around a bit this week)  God brought to mind the phrase, “Actions give results”.  But whoa Dennis…, slow down a bit!  There is so much more in this verse if you will stop and listen to ME:

Prov 4:1 “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
       pay attention and gain understanding.”

It would be easy to read this and and mainly get from it that listening = understanding, but what about all that is in between those two?  The bible gives us so much more when we pause, open our hearts and minds to God, and think a bit harder.  When I do that on this passage I get so many more points:

• Listening is the first thing I must do (Listen).  Always start there
• God is our father (my sons), and that is a special bond of love
• That I should be listening to the Father (to a father’s).  There are way too many voices in my head sometimes telling me what to do (and no I am not schizo)
• That he has wisdom he offers through instruction (fathers instruction)
• That I need to be intentional in my efforts to hear God (pay attention)
• That wisdom is an increase (gain).  I will benefit from getting it
• What I will gain is understanding (and gain understanding).  Wow.  I so much want to understand more about life, God, me, so on and so on.

Okay, so from just thinking intentionally about what God is telling me, I took that one verse and it was expanded greatly for me.  God is pretty incredible. And reading his Word is easy if I will be intentional!  And to think I used to believe my pastor was so smart getting all those points  :-).

Thank you Father for a bit of understanding this morning that holds a key to so much more understanding!  You know I struggle with being able to apply myself to your Word at times.  Help me to keep these simple points I learned today close to my heart, and expand my understanding every day through your Word.

Amen.

Goodness.  That was only the 1st verse of this chapter.  Do you realize how rich God’s ENTIRE word truly is?  Mind boggling.

 

Inconsistency ….

I got a comment on a previous blog post I made today, which was the first comment I have had in a while.  Not hard to understand why I have not gotten many cooment — I haven’t been blogging! 

I have been inconsistent in sharin g my thoughts.  I have also been inconsistent in my time with God.  I really do not understand myself here.  I do enjoy my quiet time, so why do I not do it?  What is that force than stands between me and that joy?

 Our message at church this morning was about reveling in the presence of God.  I am going to try and focus on that more by doing my quiet time.  Pray for me okay?  I need the encouragement to develop a more consistent process there.  I’ll also pray for more committment to blogging, whether anyone is hearing me or not!

 

How did I get here?

I have stopped trying to figure out where I will be in 5 years.  Or 4 years, or 1 year for that matter.  If there is any one thing that we need to keep in mind as we try and control the direction of our lives, it is how powerless we really are to control what totally happens to us.

 Now I don’t mean that we cannot affect our direction.  We can decide to go to college, or move to Africa, etc.  But those macro destinations are not where we really live each day.  Where we live each day is in the moment, right now, this second.  Did you know that this is where God is?  IN THE MOMENT.  I have no idea what motivated me to sit down here and do this blog post, it just kinda happened.  I did not make an appointment to blog.  It occurred via a series of events that I really did not control.  I won’t go into how it happenned, but it did just occur to me that this was not in my plan for the day, so why am I doing it?

 What does this show me?  It shows me that God is wise.  God DID know I was going to be in a blogging mood, and he knew what I was going to say.  He formed the path around me to give me what he wanted me to say.  “Are you sure Dennis?”, you may ask.  Yep.  I’m sure.  How am I so sure?  Because I know he is there, I know he is speaking to me, I know he has a reason for me to post this, but in all honesty, I do not know what that reason is!

There is a strange peace in that.  Just doing what I hear God telling me to do instead of stressing out about what to do.  Be still, listen to God, and just do it.  Can it really be that simple?

What do you think?  Is anyone listening?  Do you hear God speaking and obey?  I certainly do not do it all the time like I would like to, but when I do…….., I like it.

 

I am on a roll ….

This may make no sense after my last post, but I am on a roll.  My life has been so out of control for the last couple of years that I truly have been driven to seek like I never have before.  That desire to find that closer relationship to God is strong and frustrating beyond belief it is so intense for me right now.  My last post should indicate that.

My pastor Jay introduced me (actually a group of us) to the “Experiencing God” study, and it has had a huge impact on me.  Yeah, I know, there I go talking about some silly workbook Bible study like it was a life changing experience or something.  Yep.  I am.  Because it has been for me!  For the first time in my life I feel like I am WORKING to understand God, to communicate with God, to interpret His Word, and to apply it to my life.  I have had so many great revelations as I have been going through this study.  Things I have struggled with for so many years have been addressed in such a unique way I find it amazing, and I am seeing them in a different light, with good thoughts on dealing with them.  I am not bragging on the study, although I happen to think it is pretty darn good.  I am expressing thankfullness that the study has pricked my heart and soul so well.  This is not a freaky weird kind of experience.  It is real for me, and I know beyond question that God is using it to change my life, to enlighten me, and to bring me closer to Him.  I have been a seeker for so long, that when I truly find something like this that affects my life to this extent, I need to shout about it!  My life is and will likely continue to be a real mess as I go down my path, but I can’t tell you how happy I am to feel this closeness like never before.

If this kind of talk is uncomfortable or weird to you, that is okay.  It probably would have made me uncomfortable a couple years ago.  I am not trying to express to you any instruction on how to feel or how to act.  What I am saying though is that if you are a seeker (and I think we all are), then do not despair.  Keep seeking, but make sure that what you are seeking is God, not some method, workbook, or human being to tell you what you need to find peace and the moment to moment security that comes with an intimate relationship with Him.  BE STILL.  LISTEN.  God used many people in my path to direct me as I have sought Him.  He has used this study in a mighty way.  I hope you keep asking Him long enough to find your study, moment, or whatever it takes to get you closer to Him.

 

My God has a voice

My God is HUGE.  My God is so huge I cannot fathom it.  He speaks.  To me.  I’m just not a good listener.

Rant on …… (pure brain dump coming, pretty risky to post publicly)

I am trying so hard to hear Him, and the struggle is mighty.  He speaks so loud, but the din around me is overwhelming to a point where it all bleeds together because of all the things I have let into my life.  I know I am His, since I have my moments when he is not just near, he possesses me. But alas at times I close my ears and still manage to shut him out, usually when I need Him most, or when MY will becomes so important.  Why? Listening to God is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do, but it is what I want more than anything in my life.  All the methods I have tried over the years seem to be so silly.  I think I work way too hard at it.  It should be simple. 

Sit still.  Listen.  Obey.  Experience God.  Repeat.

Sorry for the rambling.  It’s what God gave me today.  Maybe the pure repetition for me will help it to sink in.

 

What am I “Meant to Be”?

Had a great day at church yesterday.  During one of the songs, I seemed to focus in on the phrase, “What I was meant to be”.  Need to reflect on that a bit.

There is a big difference in what I want to be and what I am meant to be, isn’t there?  I mean, I want to be a professional baseball player, but it apparently is not meant to be.  I want to be a millionare not worried about money, but alas, it must not be in the plan.

 Or is it?  How do we figure this out?  How do we reconcile the “meant”, to the “want”?  I know that God has desires for my life, but in looking it up in the Bible, I do not see ”meant” used anywhere in that context.  What I see is that it is used to correct people’s misinterpretation or confusion.  That says it well for me, I am confused there.

Was I meant to be a father, a husband?  I think so because God has blessed me in that realm, although both cases have had their struggles.  What ministry am I meant to be in?

The only answer I can come up with, is that I am meant to love God.  The rest happens as a result of that effort.  If I truly desire him and love him with all my heart, things should be clearer, but today they are pretty cloudy.  Guess that is an answer in itself.

 I need to focus on Loving and following God, that is all I am “meant” to do.  I’ll figure the rest out after I get there.

Any other perspectives out there?

 

Serving others. How awesome is it?

Very.

I went this weekend to work a retreat.  It is called “Chrysalis Journey”, and was a retreat for 13 young girls ages 18-24.  I won’t go into the details of what it is exactly, but suffice it to say that about 40 people showed up to serve those 13.

It is an awesome thing for those 13 girls, but in a mihty way, it was an awesome thing for the 40.  I was one of the 40, and had agreed to work in the kitchen helping with food.  Well, that means setting up the litchen, prepping food, cooking food, serving food, cleaning up food, taking out trash, and all the normal things you do in that process, which is pretty hard and tiring work.  In addition, I did a few other interesting things.  I was in several skits (one of which involved my dressing up in drag, dress and all — very scary, trust me) which stretched my pool of talents, believe me.

Service.  Servanthood.  Self sacrifice. 

Those are all words that described it.  It was not about me, but it did me SO much good.  At one point in this retreat, all the helpers sing a song called the “Servant Song”.  I got about halfway through it and was crying the last half.  Couldn’t help it — it was powerful to sing to those we had been serving the whole weekend, and see the gratitude and tears in their eyes.

We that were helping also helped each other.  During the hours (5:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. on average each day), we had chance to stop and talk with people we had just met, and explore a new relationship.  I met some VERY cool people, poeple who struggle just like me, but were there nonetheless to serve others.  No way to describe how that feels folks, you just have to experience it.

Now it is back to my normal day to day life.  I hope I let the weekend change me, and give me more of a servants heart, every moment, every day.

Thank you Lord, for a chance to be a servant.  Now help me be a better one — every day.

 

It hurts so good!

I have days when I wonder if I am ANY good to anyone.  Now don’t start thinking I have self-esteem issues (well, maybe we all do a little bit). I have a lot of people wanting my time for things that I know I am good at, but I honestly think the problem I have is an inability to say no enough and sacrifice the good for the great.  I spent a good part of my day doing something I hate (accounting, billing - yuuuuuck!), but when I was done, I felt awesome.  Huh?  That’s just weird man.  So I had to stop and think about that a bit.

Why did I feel so good?  It just felt good to accomplish something that is so hard for me to do.  It took discipline to stay at it and not go off into something I enjoy more.  I know I have to do it, I know it has good results (did you know people do NOT pay you if you never send them a bill?  Imagine that), and I know I will be glad I did it afterwards.  SO…., giving up something you like, to do something you dislike can reap great benefits?  I believe it can.

Okay - I get it God.  I have these things in my life I know I should do (spiritual disciplines).  I know I do not do them (even though I have good intent).  I know when I do make time to do them I reap great and wonderous benefits.  I need help Lord.  I need you to help me help myself.  That needs to start by dying to myself a bit more.

I think I know where to start.  I have to shed some things that are only good, not great.  I need to resist doing things that only I see great value in, and start thinking more widely than what is in my head.  I cannot just shed one thing and pick up one thing.  I need to shed more than I pickup right now, just to make sure there is plenty of time for the great things.  ANd some of those great things are not at the top of my enjoyment list.

Gotta keep praying about this one.

 

Ding, ding goes the bell!

Ever hear a bell when in church?  I don’t mean the normal ring me with a long rope kinda bell, I mean the one in your head that goes off when something hits home.  Mine was ringing in church this morning.

Our pastor Jay spoke (taught, whaever he does) about how to “Wait well”.  He used the analogy of seeing our waiting for God to move in our lives like a waiter waits on a table.  A waiter is poised and ready to act when he sees a diner have a need or make a request of him.  A good one is very attentive and responsive to whatever the diner asks.  We should be that way with God.  How would you feel if a waiter was in your face all the time, instead of waiting patiently in the wings and answering your requests?

Jay and I have had a couple of conversations about why God does not do this or do that in our lives, and how impatient I am .  Well, maybe he will, in his time.  In the meantime, I have to learn to be a “waiter”, observe what God is teaching me, and trust his timing.  Don’t know about you, but that is hard for me.  I guess this is one of those growth opportunities again huh, Jay?

I also met Jay’s friend “Hoolie” (sp?) this week.  He’s a trip.  Nice to know the man who rings Jay’s bell too!  :)  Seems like a guy I’d like to get to know as well.

Well, better go do some “waiting practice”!

 

Lord, help me to love her more..

I was listening to some Steven Curtis Chapman music the other day.  He has a lot of great songs about his wife, and one (don’t remember the name right now) has lyrics about asking God to help him love her more.  Amen SCC.

I plead the same.  I love my wife with a mighty force, but fail her on a regular basis if seen through God’s eyes, because I do not love her as I should with an unfailing spirit in my selfishness.  Don’t get me wrong, my wife knows I love her, and I am supportive and good to her I think, but I still fail to show her all the love I shuold.  This morning she has a day that started at 6:30 a.m. with a meeting in Jacksonville an hour away, then she returns to Brunswick to work from 2 - 10:30 tonite.  I worry about her traveling and working all these hours, and I know God does as well.  I try and be encouraging to her, but probably spend too much time trying to solve her problems, and not enough time just being still and letting her know how much I love her.  Gotta work on that.  She works so hard on her job and at home to show us her love.

There is a saying about loving people when they are not loveable.  I have decided that is a saying not worth repeating any more in my life.  Everyone deserves to be loved, all day, every day.  No one is ever not “loveable”.  We all need it, we all want it, and God asks us to do it without ceasing, just as he does for us.  I cannot imagine God saying at any time that any one of his children is not loveable.

Sandra is more than loveable, she is perfect in God’s eyes, and I suspect when I start feeling like there is some reason she is being difficult and get upset with her, I need to search deeper within to discover the sin in my life that is keeping me from loving as God intended. I am blessed in so many ways because she is in my life.  There is never an excuse for not giving her unfailing love.  She is a gift from God.

I love you Sandra.  Forgive me where I fail you, but never, ever think I love you less when I do.

Lord, help me to love her more.